Struck
by alexkingston
Summary: As she continuously works with him, Addison finds herself needing Alex on a different level. [It’s what I like to call, ADDISEX] UPDATED: CHAPTER 2!
1. Chapter 1

**Struck**

**Summary: **As she continuously works with him, Addison finds herself needing Alex on a different level. Set somewhere after 3x17. It's what I like to call, ADDISEX

**A/N:** For now I'm not touching so much on the 60days bet with Mark and plus I'm pretending that they had a patient that they've been treating for 6 months. We might not get addisex for awhile or maybe ever but this is my interpretation of what SHOULD happen. It won't be a one-shot. But I'm not sure yet how far I'm going to go with this. Hope you guys like it)

**Rating:** T (some sexual innuendos)

**Disclaimer:** I wish I did own Grey's. It won't be addisexless if I did.

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It was no longer what she wanted. It was what she needed. She needed him to hold her. Somehow in those mere minutes that they saw each other at work everyday, everything had changed. She had seen him for more than the intern, the _help_ that he was. He had become a man in her eyes- a man that she could fall in love with. When he was not around, she felt awkward, empty even and when a day like the one today, crept slowly from nowhere and exploded in her face, she just needed him to hold her. But he would never again see the way she looked at him. She straightened her back; _posture was everything_, her mother's voice etched in her mind. She controlled the tears (that was the best she could do). Her needs were hidden well.

There were times when she felt like caving in, succumbing to her desires faster than she could say _Karev_. His last name had a certain sensuality laced with the letters that made them. Maybe the sound that formed from those letters just fit his rough edges perfectly. She loved saying his last name, more than she would ever admit, and sometimes she pondered what it would be like to have him in her as she moaned his name, _'Karev'_. Her mouth formed a somewhat crooked smile. _Wrong time to have dirty thoughts, Addison._ She had dirty thoughts, yes, she had them often but the dirtiest of them all was her need to be held by him, just once. She knew she deserved neither.

She had slept with Mark. By doing that, she had taken a sledge hammer and destroyed every single pillar that held the marriage that was Derek-and-Addison, Addison-and-Derek. There were not many but whatever was left standing, she had wildly swung the hammer and left behind nothing but rubble. She saw no point in validating herself anymore. It had happened. But she could not deny that somehow that act still had traces leeching against her skin, sucking whatever self worth she had. Derek, in his own way, had forgiven her and moved on. He was so in love with Meredith that the thought of her and Mark didn't even make him cringe. So she tried to make, Mark-and-Addison, Addison-and-Mark, work again. They left behind traces of New York, of their silly mistakes, of their attempts to make their two months of playing house mean something more but wound up in Seattle being like they were in New York, with their silly mistakes living a few rooms away. She remembered the 60 days she gave him and hoped it would help and that somehow they could find the bridge between New York and Seattle. But it was foggy still; more so with Alex Karev in front of her looking as if someone had shot him straight through the heart.

So, she walked out of the NICU, leaving Alex behind wallowing in his own grief. She had to find a place to molly cuddle her own without him there. Their patient, a 6 month old baby boy, had just died. She was afraid she would just run into his arms and demand to be held, for him to stroke her hair and kiss her forehead. She knew he was surprised at her departure. She could almost feel his eyes boring into her back. She refused to turn around to look at him. She knew his gaze would make her falter. She hastened her steps and dashed into the first ladies restroom she could find. She was predictable that way.

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Squatting on the restroom floor, her mind wandered. She had no choice but to take out the tubes from Tommy, he was too far gone. She had to keep telling herself that. Tommy had been with them 6 long grueling months, fighting for his life but his lungs could not cope, they would not grow. As she watched his little chest heave one last time, she had wanted to cry. Barely even starting the race of life, he had to pull out from it. His parents sat down beside the incubator, their bodies like heavy sacks, shoulders slumped, and their tears flowing in uncontrollable streams. Tommy's journey had ended and somehow theirs seemed to die along with him. Alex was leaning against the door, arms crossed, and his face somber. She had never seen him so affected. She used to think, not too long ago, he couldn't even care less.

Somewhere down the line, he started to show that he did. She could sense that he didn't want to feel anything but he could not hide behind his veneer. She broke him down, wall by wall, everyday or so she would like to think. No, she was sure she had broken down his walls. He smiled now. He never used to smile at her. He would ever so slightly, glance her way and when she caught him, he would just smile slightly, abashed. He laughed now. He never used to laugh at her jokes. They never used to laugh together about _anything_. They barely even spoke a civil word. But as with everything, they changed. She used to be able to deal with pain alone (or at least through booty calls with Mark) but now she needed more, she needed more than just random sex. She prayed he would barge through the restroom door demanding answers from her.

She, Addison Forbes Montgomery, was hoping beyond all reason that an intern would come and rescue her. Ridiculous! Had she become that weak? Instantly, she got off the floor. She smoothened out her hair and adjusted her scrubs. She sniggered. He's just _your_ intern. He's just _an_ intern.

Addison opened the door of the restroom quickly and stormed out, almost banging into Alex. She was sure he was about to go into the restroom and though she thought that was what she wanted, she was now wrecked with questions. What did he want to achieve by following her into the restroom? Would he hold her and they would ease their grief in each other's arms? Why did she leave the restroom? Addison mentally chided herself for being too hasty. Now, she would never know.

Plucking up whatever dignity she had left, Addison asked in the iciest tone she could muster, "Where do you think you're going, Karev?" He looked at her incredulously. "You know where and you know why," he said, his voice soft but strained. "No, I don't know," she answered him curtly, testing his patience on purpose. She needed to hear the reasons with her own ears. She needed to feel that all the longing looks he gave her, the softness in his voice whenever he talked to her and all that she felt for him was real.

He opened his mouth slightly, clearly wanting to speak but immediately he shut it. Addison sighed and walked past him, infuriated. She had hoped. Perhaps, hope could never be enough. "Dr. Montgomery," she heard him shout. But she walked on. She didn't want to be waiting for something that was unsure. Mark flashed through her mind. In his own, inept, man-whore like manner, she knew he wanted her. For whatever reason, he did want her and he made his promise to try to show her. Alex Karev was just too troublesome, too fickle and maybe even too young but yet her womanly sensibilities were aware of him - everything about him. "Dr. Montgomery," he called for her again. She could feel him following her from behind. She quickened her steps even more. Suddenly, he was in front of her, cutting her path and she banged into him.

"What? What do you want?" she questioned him angrily. The people walking past looked at them, pretending not to be interested. He noticed their inquisitive looks and glaring at them, he quickly pulled her by the hand. "Dr. Karev!" she hissed but her legs were moving, following his lead. They ended up in a linen closet. _Here we go again_, she thought.

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**Footnotes from Author: **Hope you all really enjoyed that. Please do Review and tell me how i can improve and all that. My first addisex fic!Next Chapter , i'm hoping to touch more on their relationship and her relationship with Mark (and how the 60days thing pans out) and just what is Alex going to say (or do?) in that linen closet ;) 


	2. Chapter 2: Closet Space

**Struck- Chapter 2: Closet Space**

**Summary: **As she continuously works with him, Addison finds herself needing Alex on a different level. It's what I like to call, ADDISEX. Chapter 2 IS UP!

**A/N: **I know it has been eons possibly light years since I have updated but I have been having assignments and exams back to back and I didn't have the time and was feeling rather uninspired. But most of my assignments are done now and I have one paper left so..HERE'S AN UPDATE!!!!

This chapter is a little slow moving. But I hope you'll bear with me. I promise I'll speed things up soon ;)

**Credits:** Thank you My Addisex Twin, Belle, for being there to let me bounce off ideas and for contributing to all the sap in my addisex life. You have been an inspiration. ANK, McLeod, Dixie, 80s, Tangeladdisex:P

**Rating:** T (some sexual innuendos)

**Disclaimer:** I wish I did own Grey's. There would be a lot of addiSEX by now!

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**Chapter 2**

She remembered the last time they were in a closet together. He had brought her self esteem down by a multitude of levels. He didn't bother to be tactful or kind, though she never expected that to come from him. But a part of her had wanted him to just grab her and kiss her in that closet with all the anger that he had churning inside of him. He had pulled her by the arm, shocking her at his courage to even drag her anywhere with him. She had thought he had wanted to lay out whatever pent up feelings he had for her and perhaps even beg her to try to be with him because he could not stop thinking about the kiss – because he could not stop thinking about her. He had, after all, shouted by the nurses' station that he wanted to talk to her about the kissing. She had been startled to say the least and he made her jumpy and wrecked, afraid that the whole hospital would have known that they had kissed by the end of the day. She had not been crazy to think that he was interested, right? 

But she had forgotten that this was Alex Karev, the badass intern - the macho bravado exterior he had would only thicken and harden the more he felt he was cornered. She should not have been surprised at his cutting words and his mocking tone but it had left her stunned and she heard herself mutter some useless comebacks. "But you kissed me back?" she had said. She cursed herself for being so pathetic. 

She had learnt then, that she could never underestimate him and she could never assume anything. Despite what he said in the closet, she knew at least that he was attracted to her. She did not need to repeat to herself that she was desirable over and over. She saw the way he looked at her - the way they would look at each other - and the fact that he told her that he would notice if she was missing. He was unpredictable and that terrified her. 

So, she glared at him, her arms crossed in front of her, arching her eyebrow as she leaned against the shelves stacked with towels. 

"You know where and you know why," he repeated again more intensely this time. 

She threw her hands up in the air, frustrated and attempted to storm out of the linen closet but his frame blocked the door, refusing to budge. She dropped her shoulders, exasperated, her body too close to him. She focused her eyes to her feet. He tried to tip her chin up so she would look at him but she dropped her head down to focus back on her clog-wearing feet. He grabbed her by the arms, infuriated. 

"Look at me. I'm not done yet," he grumbled. 

At that, she looked up, glaring, her eyes challenging him. She had to suppress the pleasure she took at the warmth from his hands that was dissipating through her arms. She was incensed, to say the least. He had pulled her into the linen closet but was not even ready with a proper speech to appease her. 

"You don't have to pretend. You _know_ where. You know that I was going to barge into a women's restroom and you _know_ why. I was looking for you, damn it. I was looking for you because I was worried…because I worry about you," he blurted, the furrows of his eyebrows dissolved and then slowly he let go of her arms. 

Her defiant nature knew she had to say something back. She couldn't let him break her down like this. Some simple words and she was putty in his hands. This was even worse than when he said to her "I'd notice" in Jane Doe's room. Then, she had felt shocked. Now, she was just numbed. _Why is he so god damn unpredictable? _She started backwards and sank to the ground, pulling her knees up to her chest and leaned against the shelves. Just then the corners of his mouth turned up slightly- _that_ she knew how to rebut. 

"What are you so happy about, Karev?" 

"Nothing," he said, still smirking, going down to sit beside her. 

He sat close beside her in the same position, resting his elbows on his knees. She turned to look at him and smiled softly. He smiled back, knowingly. She had desperately wanted to touch him just then – to just graze her fingers against his jaw line and feel his rugged edges in her hands the way she did before. But just at that moment, his face was the softest she had ever seen it and somehow she liked that side of him. It made her excited and semi-delirious seeing him looking at her like that and it was strange how completely at ease she felt beside him. Maybe it was how sometimes he was a perfect combination of the men in her life - he was Mark, externally, but internally, Derek. She didn't even know why she was making such comparisons but it comforted her to feel that he was familiar, that somehow she could handle him, handle whatever she felt for him even though she knew he was Alex and nobody else. She could read Mark and Derek like an open book but Alex was nowhere near the word open. 

He had kept his eyes locked onto hers, emanating a searing warmth within her. She didn't want to break the spell, but to have him look at her for one more second was too much to bear. 

"Are you okay?" she asked all of a sudden, focusing her eyes now on her fingers. 

"Huh?" he shook his head slightly, having to retract himself from looking at her. 

"Tommy, I mean. Are you okay about that?" She managed to brave herself to peer at his expression from the corner of her eyes. He seemed disappointed somehow. 

"Yeah, I will be. I'm just… not used to that." 

Addison sighed. She had an unwavering strength within her and it was that strength that made her who she was – brilliant and one of the best in her field. But that strength could never make her get used to death and she never expected Alex to get used to it either despite his constant show of fearlessness, his willingness to jump over any cliff without dithering. 

"Me either. More than a decade and you'd think I'd be used to it. I don't think anyone ever does really." She gave him the best kind of comfort she could supply at that moment. If it had been any other person, she knew she would have offered a hug but Alex Karev was not any other person. 

"Yeah but hey, I'm guess he's in a better place. Heaven, you know?" he said softly, shrugging. 

Addison turned to face him and arched an eyebrow in disbelief. "Alex Karev believes in the afterlife. Wow…" 

"Hey, I have layers," he grinned and winked at her. 

She chuckled. For that moment, he was the Alex Karev that everyone else knew- the smooth operator. Suddenly, the real Alex Karev surfaced, the one she had only seen in private, his grin slowly dissolving into a thin line. 

"Seriously, I have to believe that there's a God out there somewhere. That some dude or whatever is making sure Tommy's going to go to a better place." 

She pursed her lips. She could not remember the last time she prayed. She did not even see the point anymore. Just then, she felt it – the dull aching in her heart and the slow build up of emotions in her eyes. "Sometimes…I don't believe in God," she whispered. 

It startled her how instinctively, without any hesitation or thought; he wrapped one arm around her and pulled her close. She tried to shrug him off, knowing that if she allowed herself to be drawn into his warmth she would make a complete fool of herself, bawling in the embrace of an intern. His response was only to tighten his hold. 

"Just let go," he whispered, "I'm here." 

She could not look at him as cool tears began to slide down her cheek, choosing instead to rest her head on his shoulder, her head facing down. He stretched out his legs and pulled her even closer, tipping her chin with his other hand and wiped her tears little by little. It had been times like this that Addison felt the strength dissipating from her worn-out body but Alex's reassurance only made the strength course right back through her blood. 

"Thank you," she smiled slightly. 

Then, it happened. _Again._ He leaned closer, and she felt his breath lingering, mixing with hers. Flashes of their last kiss replayed in her mind, intoxicating her senses and she faintly heard him say, _"You're welcome"_ as his lips lightly touched hers. His hand caressed her face gently, as she melted into the heat of his lips and the feel of his rough skin grazing against hers. The kiss was tender, smooth like the flowing of water and as he slowly pulled back, hand still caressing her cheek, she wished that she could somehow make it last for a fraction of a second longer. 

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**Footnotes:** Hehe..i know! I'm mean for leaving it at that..BUT that's how I get you guys to want to read more. MUAHAHHAA! 

Next chapter, Alex's POV for a change and what will happen next? I don't even know myself (ok I do but no spoilers for anyone.)


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